


My Heart or My People

by TheDragonWithAPenOfFire



Category: Fairy Tail, Fairy Tail AU - Fandom, Hiro Mashima - Fandom, Nalu - Fandom, fairy tail nalu - Fandom, natsu x lucy - Fandom, princess Lucy Heartfilia - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mashima Hiro's Fairy Tail Setting, Fairy tail au, Fluff, Fluff and Humour, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Longing, Multi, Nalu - Freeform, Nalu fluff, fairy tail - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-06-30 16:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15755304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDragonWithAPenOfFire/pseuds/TheDragonWithAPenOfFire
Summary: Growing up a princess I knew where my duties lie. Our people come before our own selfish desires. Always. That is how we keep them faithful to us and how my family have stayed in power so long. But is it really that selfish to want to marry who I chose. To marry someone I love. Could my people forgive me for that.





	1. News.

The dawn was just rising when I got the news that I would be marrying King Rogue of a neighbouring kingdom, his father had died quite suddenly, leaving him the crown, and now in search of a wife. My kingdom, the kingdom of Fiore had fallen into an economic crisis, and marrying King Rogue was the only way to protect my people and expand our land. At least that is what I was told.

Growing up a princess I knew where my duties lie. Our people come before our own selfish desires. Always. That is how we keep them faithful to us and how my family have stayed in power so long. But is it really that selfish to want to marry who I chose. To marry someone I love. Could my people forgive me for that.

“Princess Lucy, if you do not stop daydreaming we are going to be late, your fitting is in an hour!” Said a rather pissed off voice, instantly popping me from my bubble. “Honestly, staring blatantly out of the window at him isn’t going to change your fate girl!”

“I know, I am sorry Lady Aquarius. It will not happen again” I said fiddling with the layers of my skirts as my cheeks reddened.

“Bullshit!”

I sucked in a breath, looking around to see if anyone had heard, Aquarius had been my Lady in Waiting for as long as I could remember, and my mothers before that, so our closeness allowed her to relax around me more than any of the other people in our employment. This normally ended up in a bright variety of language being used. By both of us.

“You are going to get yourself fired or killed by my father if he ever catches you! You know he could never abide that kind of language being used around me!”

“Tsk. Look at you being all prim and proper now you are engaged to a King. Pathetic really.”

“Oh shut it!” I sighed, before movingfrom my perch by the window towards the open door, to where boredom awaits.

 

•••

 

“The fitting was painful, in any meaning of the word. Being pinned and pricked and bored for an occasion I am less than thrilled for is not my kind of fun for a Tuesday morning. And Aquarius tittering sarcastically about how beautiful I look in the cream puff of a dress put me in a less of a good mood. At least now I have my freedom until my meal with my father tonight.”

“Aquarius is quite a character. I quite like her,” chuckled my pink haired friend. My best friend.

“Of corse you do, you like nothing more than to wind me up!” I laughed, tapping his arm in a playful gesture. I had met Natsu during one of my escapades outside of the castle wall a few years ago, had offered him a job, and we’d been best friends ever since. He seemed to always have the ability to cheer me up, and one look into his sparkling eyes, had me always trying to suppress a smile.

“I do it in good fun,” he winked, flashing that killer smile at me that set my heart racing. I rolled my eyes in pretend annoyance, but i know he could see the corner of my mouth twitch up into a smile.

“So, what’s the occasion? From what royal hell does the next visitor hail from?”

Oh shit. He doesn’t know. How could he not know, he lives in the castle! I suppose the news hasn’t traveled far yet. A relief? I’m not sure. I should tell him straight away but instead i say “Royal hell! Let me remind you a royal hell pays your pay check.”

He laughed “only thanks to you Luce”.

“Hah, you should be more grateful to me. If it wasn’t for me you would be living on the street” the truth, in reality, but he could tell I wasn’t being serious. I would never hold something like that over someone. Everyone deserves a home. Especially him.

“I hope this new person is better than the last, i know Lord Ichiya has high political power, but he gave me the creeps. There’s only so many times a guy can be sniffed before he starts to feel uncomfortable” and then i just said it.

“Natsu I’m getting married.” I blurted out, barely being able to keep it in any longer. I hated the next words that tumbled out of my throat like vomit. “It’s a political marriage. My dad has arranged it. Its to help the country, I don’t have any say in it” I don’t why i was trying to explain myself. I’m a princess. It was a given that one day I would have been paired up with any random member of nobility, he probably expected it. And it’s not as if we were together in that way, no matter how much i yearn for it.

“Oh. That’s great Luce,” was all he said. He should have punched me. It would of hurt less.


	2. Notes

It has been a week since I told Natsu about my engagement and I have been avoiding him like the wimp I am. Every. Day. Since.

The meal with my father the following evening went as expected. He rambled on for two hours about how much this marriage will benefit our country and how lovely King Rogue is. And all I was doing was contemplating if slamming my head onto the plate would be an easier way out. This continued until my father excused himself stating something about “lots of paperwork” and “not much time til the wedding”.

A few days later, I was out on a walk when I spotted Natsu going about his work. We made eye contact for several moments before I threw myself into a bush to avoid talking to him. Not one of my finest moments I have to admit. And now i have a huge stain and a rip I can’t explain to Aquarius.

And now, here I am bored stupid in my chamber because i refuse to talk to the only person in this castle that brings excitement into my life!

“I need to get out!” i say standing quickly while swinging my gaze to the door where an envelope is on the floor. All my blood starts rushing to my head and i start feeling dizzy but master myself enough to cautiously walk over to it. It had been sealed with red wax, with an ‘N’ stamped into it. Natsu! I rip open the envelope, a headache now firmly thumping inside my skull. The letter was poorly written and I made a mental note to get one of my old tutors to go over basic language with him.

 

Dear Luce,

You’ve been acting real weird lately, like more than usual and I’m worried. Have i done something wrong?

If i have, i get it if ya don’t want to see my face, but can ya write me a letter and tell me what I’ve done so i can say sorry. I feel really bad and I’m really sorry.

 

A really sorry,

 

Natsu.

 

I feel terrible. I sit in silence just staring at the wall for far too long, hearing the clock tick to the same rhythm as my head thumps. I am such a horrible friend. I raise my hands to my temples and rub in soothing circles. What shall i do. This is the only man I’ve ever loved, and probably ever will and I cant even bare to see him at the thought he doesn’t feel the same way. And I’m getting married to a different man! So it doesn’t matter anyway! Ugh life is so hard, and my future doesn’t look much better, unless-. I rush to my desk, grabbing paper and ink. Life can’t get much worse than this anyway.

 

•••

 

The letter was messy and took about an hour before i was happy with the final copy, and the sun had firmly set, but it felt like such a relief had been lifted from me. Yes. This would be enough.

The walk to his room was quiet and I didn’t encounter anyone. Not even a servant, thank the stars. That would not have gone down well with my father if I was seen walking to a mans room past sunset, before I am to be wed.

I take a deep breath, looking down at the envelope in my hand. I used my favourite pink paper set, and even the dried wax seal with my initial on it is a mix between a pink and a dark red. Crimson. I trace my finger around the edge of the wax, the movement somehow calming my nerves. You can do this Lucy. I kneel down outside the door. The many layers of my dress providing a supportive cushion. I couldn’t stop myself as I lifted a hand and placed it on the smooth wooden surface in front of me. Another breath. Somehow touching this makes me feel closer to him in a way i can never be. If i could hug this door i would. I finally bring up the courage and quickly slide the letter underneath, the sound a satisfying tssss. I didn’t have time to reconsider my decision before i found myself running back to my room, almost tripping over my dress, at the sound of a groan of a bed from inside.

 

•••

 

When I get back to my room, the air is thick with the tangy smell of fresh ink. 

“This was right wasn’t it.” I say to myself, ambling over to pack the ink and paper away. “I made the right decision.”

“Well, if that decision was to marry King Rogue, I’d say yes, I’ve heard he’s very handsome, but it’s not as if you have got much choice in that matter.” A deep, raspy voice remarked from the shadows. I almost jumped out of my skin, but my heart began to slow when I realised who it was.

“Sting! What are you doing in my room!”

“Oh. No ‘Sting, my darling brother, you are back, I have missed you so much, how was your trip?”

My brother Sting had been away for the past month, attending political conferences and trying to improve relations with countries my father couldn’t sell me off to.

“Hah. You couldn’t of waited until the morning, instead of scaring me shitless by hiding in the shadows?”

“What can i say? I find the shadows oddly comforting. And I did knock, but when you did not answer I helped myself in. So, is my sister going to tell me why she is writing notes and disappearing at odd hours in the night. Or will I have to take a wild guess and say it has something to do with a certain pink haired stable hand.”

I could hear my heart thump in chest. How did he know? At the look of shock that must of registered on my face he said “What can I say, servants talk, and you really need to do a better job at covering up your tracks. Your perfectionism will be your downfall”

That’s when I notice the scrunched up piece of paper in his hand. One of the copies of the letter I wasn’t happy with. I swear I feel my heart stop in my chest. The already dark room starts constricting around me. Air stops filling my lungs. And I surrender to the shadows.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up with a start, gasping in as much air as possible. There is a dim light coming from the windows and a figure sat with his head in his hands at the end of my bed. I shuffle away from him when,

  
“Lucy! You’re awake, finally, i was so worried” he said as he stood up and walked to my bed stand, filling a cup with water, “here take this.”

  
Numbly I reach out and Sting helps me clasp the glass in my shaking hands. Slowly, I move the glass to my lips and take a sip. Icy cool water slips down my dry throat, and I sigh with pleasure. “How long have I been out?”

  
“About two hours. I couldn’t leave you on the floor so I carried you to the bed. What do you think you were doing fainting on me like that? Have you been eating ok? All I wanted was to tease you, not give you a panic attack.”

  
“I’ve been eating fine Sting.” The tone not as harsh as I would of hoped, “you didn’t have to be so menacing.”

  
“You should know me better by now sister,” he smirked, “so are you going to answer my question?”  
At my vacant expression he continued “why are you visiting that servant? Lucy, you’re getting married. To a king. You are real lucky it was me who was here and not our father otherwise you’d be in a prison cell by now, and your little friend would be in an unmarked grave.”  
The truth in his words caused tears to slip silently from my eyes and before I knew it, I was red faced and pulled into the crook between his neck and shoulder.  
We sat there for I don’t know how long, him rubbing my back in soothing circles each time my cries got a bit harder, my thoughts too suffocating.

  
Between sobs I said, “ I love him Sting. I always have. And now... and now i have to marry someone else, and i know king rogue is meant to be nice but i hate him for it! I really do, because somehow, somehow i kept up hope that somehow i could be aloud to love Natsu and if only for a little while, i want to love him, even if it’s dangerous.” My tears got loader, drowning out any more words i spoke, and Sting just sat there, listening to me ramble well into the morning.

                      •••

“How important is it for Lucy to marry King Rogue? What kind of state is our country in for you to need to marry off your only daughter so quickly to a foreign king.”

  
“I have my reasons. You have seen first hand on your travels how poverty ransacks our country, this marriage will improve that”

  
“Poverty has never bothered you before.”

  
“We need the money for our country. And the strength and supplies that will come with that”

  
“Father, you sound like you are talking of war.”

  
The king struggled to speak, to speak the truth he himself was denying. “War is upon us.” The king said weakly, not being able to look the prince in the eye.

  
“Who? I will go and-“

  
“Someone who will not be reasoned with.” Said the king, taking a sip of water from his glass.

  
“Then let me marry. But don’t put Lucy through this.”

  
The glass slammed to the table, “I have already promised King Rogue the offer of marriage-“

  
“Then let me marry king Rogue. Let me take this sacrifice, if only so Lucy can marry whoever she wants”

  
“Don’t be so preposterous!” The king spluttered. “King Rogue has no siblings. No family. He needs heirs. Something you cannot provide him!”

  
“There must be a way father. Please.” The Prince begged between tears, and the sound of the prince and the king arguing, shock the castle for several hours more.

                    •••

When i awoke, Sting was no longer in my chamber, he was probably in the bed of one of the many servants he is especially close with. Being gone for so long, i don’t blame him.

  
I bathed and dressed, washing away any of the sadness left from yesterday, before setting up camp on one of my windowsills with a book, counting down the hours.

As the sun began to set again, i put on a cloak and snuck out of my rooms into the gardens, the setting sun providing enough light for me to see, but also enough so that my identity would still be hidden. I walked towards the middle of the maze, the grassy hedges again hiding me from castle eyes.

  
He looked like he had been here a while. He was pacing and his pink hair stood up from his head as if he had been running a hand through it. I cant describe the relief i felt when i saw him standing there. My heart began to beat quickly in my chest.  
“Hi.”  
He looked towards me, his face searching mine for an answer to a question he hadn’t yet asked. He seemed as relieved as me to see me here.

  
“Hey Luce,” he said, a weight visibly lifting from his shoulders.  
I took a step towards him. “First of all, i want to say I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting.”

  
“You don’t need to apologise to me Luce-“

  
“No. I do. I should of been more honest with my feelings from the start. About everything.” I swallowed, “I love you Natsu. I think i always have, from the moment I first met you. And i have spent the last few years wondering if you could ever feel the same way to someone who is surely promised to another. And now I am getting married, and quite honestly I don’t care about any of that now. I just want to spend however long i have left of my freedom, with the only person i have ever loved, if that person would be willing.”

  
I didn’t think Natsu was breathing. In my letter i had confessed my love to him, if only to be selfish for this short time, and had said that if he felt the same way, he should meet me here, in the maze, after sunset. And when I saw him here, i felt like i was going to explode.  
“Luce, I-“ a tear found its way down his cheek, “I love you too.” Another tear. “I never thought you could love me. I never thought it could ever be possible to be with you, and when you said you were getting married, i-i broke inside Luce. My worst thoughts were coming true. And now you’re saying all this and- and the stars damn me but i want it. I want you Luce.”

  
We were both now crying. I took another step towards him, my eyes catching on his lips. He was right there, i could kiss him. If i was brave enough i would just kiss him. His hand found its way to my cheek to wipe a tear and then suddenly his lips were on mine. I don’t know if it was me or him who did it, but I didn’t care. His lips were so soft, and gentle, and warm. All i could focus on was our lips embracing each other that I forgot where my hands were. He opened his mouth slightly and he tasted of home. His tongue gently grazed mine and i took a deep breath. This is what i want.

  
We finally broke apart and just stared into each other’s eyes for a moment. Words were useless in a moment like this.  
“I should probably head back before someone notices I’m missing.” I finally said, taking a step back.

  
“Yea. Yea that would be good” he was just as lost in the moment as i was. I started walking away when he grabbed me into a hug, his scent filling my nose. He gave me a quick kiss on the head before disappearing into the night.


	4. The Dress

Natsu and I’s rendezvous continued in the weeks that followed. Each more secretive and deadly than the last. While most of our meetings happened at night, we would change the time of our meetings often in order to prevent a pattern being formed.

I’m not going to lie, it was a dream. Waking up in his arms, was a pleasure i never let myself think about before, but now it was my reality, it was getting harder and harder knowing that this wasn’t for forever. And the eyes that I’ll wake up to in a few short weeks, will not be his.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Natsu yawned, stretching his body like a cat.

“No, nothing’s wrong” I lied, suddenly finding the pattern of the quilt far more interesting than his face.

“Luce, I know you better than that. You can tell me” he said, intertwining our fingers and kissing the top of our clasped hands to reassure me.

After a few silent moments I said “I-I, its just so hard, I don’t want this to end, but I know it has to one day, and I just really don’t want that” tears exploded fiercely down my face, making my cheeks red, “I just love you so, so much, I don’t ever want to loose you.”

His hand found my cheek and wiped away a tear. “Lucy, look at me. We’ll work it out ok. We’ll find a way, even if i have to steal ya away in the night like a dragon” A small smile from me. “So don’t ya worry about it. Your mine. And now I’m not going to let ya go”

Heat bloomed in my chest at his words and I found myself leaning in and kissing him. The kiss was slow, and purposeful and claiming. Our tongues meeting in the middle. I grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him on top of me as I laid down. Without so much of a hesitation, he moved with me, one hand perched by my head, the other still on my face. That hand moved down my body, hitching up my night dress until he rested it on my hip. His hand was cool on my skin and I began to ache between my legs when-

“Princess Lucy, get out of - oh my. Oh get off of her boy, you’ve had plenty of that all night”. 

“Aquarius, I-I, please don’t tell anyone” I pleaded pushing Natsu off of me. Aquarius gave me a judgemental look, before sighing,

“Surprisingly I don’t want your head on pike, but I will, if you don’t get yourself cleaned up and dressed. You have your second fitting.” Dread coiled in my gut and nausea riled up my throat, as Aquarius turned on a heel and walked out.

 

•••

 

“I am so sorry Princess, I must of made a mistake with the measurements last time, the dress is a bit too snug around your middle.”

“Nonsense. You’ve made no such mistake. Our princess here has been spending far too much time distracted on other things than on her health recently.” Aquarius chided giving me a knowing glare. I swallowed a lump in my throat and looked down at the ill-fitting dress. It was a cacophony of lace and satin, with huge puffy sleeves that were like clouds that met a tight decorative bodice, that was somehow too tight to tie at the back. The skirt reminded me of a dining table, and only because it was big enough in circumference to sit a family of six. It was split into three separate panels; the outside panels were a plain white satin, while the middle panel was decorated flamboyantly in lace and jewels.

Most girls would dream of a dress like this on their wedding day, me on the other hand despised it and what it meant for my future. Under the extravagant fabrics was an invisible manacle that will be chained to a stranger the moment I say I do. I might as well go up the aisle in prison rags.

“I’m probably just bloated after my breakfast this morning, I’m sure it will fit on the day.” I sighed, giving the seamstress a small smile. She gave me an unsure smile back, and biting her lip went behind me.

“If I add an extra panel here,” she addressed to Aquarius, pointing to the back to the bodice, “the dress should fit no problem if such issues arise on the day.” Aquarius nodded in agreement and that seemed to be enough to appease her.

“Ok, lets get you out of this dress before you rip it” I stuck my tongue out at Aquarius and the seamstress tried to hide a laugh.

As I stepped out of the gown, I was struck again with a sudden rise of nausea. It coiled around my throat and I had to place a hand on my mouth to stop from throwing up. The dress is so awful I was going to empty my stomach because of it, or the stress for the wedding was most likely causing it. I swallowed it back and regained by composure but Aquarius noticed everything. She eyed me in a way she never had before and I wanted to run and hide.

“I think I’m going to go lie down for a bit” I said, before wrapping myself in a dressing gown, and leaving the room as fast as I could.


	5. Sick to the stomach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter suggests mild themes of rape, please be careful when reading if you are effected by this.)

“Hey, luce. Lucy. Are you feeling ok?” Natsu said shaking me gently awake. I must of fallen straight to sleep after the events of the dress fitting.

“Hey, what time is it?”

“Lucy its 12 o’clock, why are you sleeping so early?”

“Oh. Ok.” I responded rather absentmindedly, finding my eyes beginning to shut again.

“Lucy! Are you feeling ok? I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“Yes, I’m fine. Just a little stressed is all.” Pulling myself up into a sitting position so I don’t drift off again I continue “Natsu, you should see the dress. It’s hideous. The complete lace and tulle mess my father has always imagined for me. Exactly what he wants. Just like everything else.”

“Ugh, gross. Want me to sneak in and burn it before they make ya wear it again?”

“I’m afraid even that won’t even stop this wedding from happening.” I sigh, I taste a hint of metal, like the taste of blood, and wonder when I bit my lip. “And on top of that, I’ve put on weight since the last fitting so the dress doesn’t fit right, so I’m going to look like a fat plum on my wedding day as well”

“Well, more like a pear, with those hips and that small waist of yours Luce” Natsu teases and I playfully shove him so he falls onto his back on the bed.

“Oh I have large hips do I Natsu Dragneel.” I draw out his name and he smirks as I crawl up and straddle him.

“Haha, yes, they’re quite voluptuous” he responds dragging his hand up my thigh.

“Oh what a big word, I didn’t know you knew such a word”

“Turns out that royal tutor of yours you’ve had teaching me has been doing well” he says, as his hand reaches my ass and squeezes it gently.

“I’m glad you have actually been attending the lessons” I say bending my lips down to hover over his, but before our lips can meet I feel something curling in my stomach and up my throat. I find myself leaping off him and rushing to my bathroom. Natsu rushes in behind me at the sound of my retching, immediately pulling my hair back to stop me from puking on it, and rubbing my back reassuringly. Every time I think it’s stopped, I find my head back in the toilet bowl. Trust me to ruin a moment like that, he probably thinks this is so gross.

When it finally subsides, I turn around to see the concerned look marking his face, but he doesn’t give me time to comment as he immediately lifts me up into his arms and carries me to my bed, before disappearing out of the room. A few minutes later, he returns with Aquarius in tow, the same concerned face now marks hers as well.

“Thank you for getting me Natsu, you may leave now” he starts to protest but she continues, “that was an order. Leave.” And he does.

She walks over to me and perches on the side of my bed, bringing her hand up to my forehead, then my cheeks, then my forehead again. “Yep, no temperature. You’re not ill, either you’re being a dramatic bitch, or you’re in big, big trouble. I knew something was up from this morning”

My eyebrows bunch together in confusion. Her concern looks more like fury now, and for the first time, I am truly scared of Aquarius. “How could you be so stupid! Do you not know how important this wedding is for our country! No, you’ve decided to be selfish and have a bit of fun before you are married and look where it’s lead you! You stupid, stupid girl!”

I feel the colour drain from my face and tears well in my eyes. She has never talked so sternly or reprimanded me so harshly before. I am so, so confused. I just wanted to be loved and to be in love, what could be so wrong with that. I know I have duties but I will still go through with them. She can’t really be mad at me for stressing out about the wedding? Isn’t every bride stressed about their wedding day? Even those who have a choice who their husband is.

“Aquarius, please I am so confused, I am just a little stressed, theres no need to be so angry.”

“Oh, you’re far more than just stressed girl. You barely know the meaning of the word.”

“What do you mean? Just because i am a princess does not mean I have never been stressed before, I know what it’s like!”

Aquarius just shakes her head, fury still obvious on her face. “Come with me right now, and don’t draw unnecessary attention to yourself” she grabs me by the wrist and pulls me out of the door. Natsu is on the other side, he’d obviously been eavesdropping. I look to Aquarius, she has now put on a face that seems calm, but I can see her bubbling below the surface.

“Where are you taking Lucy?”

“None of your business boy, go back to your work.” She says in a dismissive tone, pulling me down the corridor.

“If you’re taking her somewhere, I want to go too. I don’t want to leave her side when she’s ill.”

“No! Under no uncertain circumstances will you follow us, do you understand me. If you follow us, you will die.” I thought her threat was a little harsh, but her tone spooked him enough that with apologetic eyes at me, he turned around and walked off.

“That was a little uncalled for. You can trust him, he’s not a bad person just because he isn’t rich and royal.”

She ignores me, and in silence she leads me down the corridor in no clear direction.

Too many minutes later, she shoves me through a door and shuts it behind her.

“Oh hello Princess, it has been a while since I have seen you” a woman with long pink hair tied in a bun bows. I recognise her, I think her name is Polyusca. The castle healer. I look to Aquarius in shock, surely I am not that ill that I require a healer, but could this be what Aquarius meant that I have ruined the wedding? Could I be so ill that it cannot go through? I shouldn’t feel slight joy at that fact. I instantly feel regretful for ever thinking that and the nausea starts nibbling at me again.

“Get this girl a bucket or a bowl right now.” Aquarius demands and a blue haired apprentices gets it to me just in time as I fill it.

“What is about to be talked about in this room, must not leave this room, and if I find out it has, I know who’s head to demand in a basket do you understand me.” All the healers nod, pale faced. I didn’t know Aquarius held this much respect in the castle, sure she is the head of the servants and looks after them all, but I’ve never taken her threats seriously. There’s no way my father can trust her that much that she can hold that much power in his castle. “Our Princess is feeling a bit under the weather, as you can see, but I fear it is something far more serious than just a stomach bug. I request a urine test to confirm her symptoms, but with everything that has been going on recently, I would be very surprised if it is not what I think it is.” My head is swimming with Aquarius’s every word, trying to piece together what she is proposing is wrong with me. ‘Serious, everything that has been going on.’ I audibly gasp, and one of the healers looks at me quizzically. Could I be poisoned? Am I going to- before i can finish the thought I am guided into an adjacent room. I do as they say and after they have everything they need, I am left to stew alone.

I am sat on a low bed near a window that overlooks a small pond. As I watch, a little green frog bounces towards the water’s edge before disappearing underneath a lotus flower into the murky water below, narrowly missing being caught in the talons of a hungry bird. The bird caws in anguish at it’s lost lunch, and returns to circling in the sky. I see myself in that little frog and hope I am just as lucky.

Polyusca and Aquarius come through the door. Aquarius’s lips are in a tight line and a shadow is cast on her face when she stops near me. The energy is low, and the suspension is grinding on me.

The healers face is a mask. She has been trained to deliver news from joyful to life-altering with no emotion, so I cannot glean any hint from her as of the nature of the results.

We stay in silence for many moments more before Polyusca finally speaks up. “Princess Lucy. I have done all the tests required to find out the cause of your current condition, and have come to the medical conclusion that you are in fact with child. How this came about before you are to be wed is distressing to think about and I can only offer my condolences to you for how you must of suffered at the hands of the man who did this to you against your will. If you will tell me the names of any men who have touched you in a lustful manner, I will be sure to report them to the king so you can get the justice you deserve.” My mouth is on the floor and all words are stripped from me. Her words rattle through my skull and a headache starts to form as soon as I start to think about it. “I understand this will be painful for you to recount, so I will leave you alone with your Lady Aquarius to process everything before I return.” With that, she gives a short bow and is out of the room. I am about to ask Aquarius to explain everything to me but before I can say anything, she cuts me off.

“Don’t look so shocked girl, you brought this upon yourself. Fraternising with a man you are not married to only leads to this. What else are they supposed to think. You are their Princess, you are not supposed to make any mistakes.” Her words hit me. Hard. Ripping me from my tumbling thoughts. As if loving Natsu could ever be a mistake.

“Well that is unrealistic. Everyone makes mistakes.” I bite back, but there is no force behind the words. I feel myself breaking apart underneath. It’s like Polyusca just threw a plate at me. ‘With child’. I’m pregnant. I am pregnant with mine and Natsu’s child, but they think he raped me. Fate has a way of giving you exactly what you want in the most cruel way possible. I don’t want justice, I want to celebrate but everyone else wants him killed. Is that why Aquarius didn’t let him come with us? Was she protecting him in her roundabout way? I look to Aquarius then and there is nothing but grief on her face. Grief because she knows what the King is going to do when he finds out. No matter if he’s my father. He does not take well to being disrespected. And lying with the man I love is the most disrespectful thing I have ever done.


	6. The Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter contains references to rape, more so than the previous one, and abortion. Please be careful if you could be effected by this).

Aquarius escorted me back to my chambers. All I heard was the sound of our careful footsteps and the silent mumbling from the castle over the screaming thoughts in my head. I wanted Natsu. I wanted this. But not this way. Not when it will get him killed. 

My soon to be husband’s arrival in eminent. If i was smart enough I might stop things from progressing in the comfort of my own bedroom. A healer might even be able to help me. Then I could bring a child into the world when the timing was better. When either I am free to love Natsu as I please through whatever small miracle, or when I lawfully produce an heir for my soon-to-be husbands line to be secure. The second thought makes me feel sick.   
The thought of a sweaty, middle age man thrusting above me between my forced open legs, breath thick on my neck, while I patiently wait for it all to end. When my period stops and I can tell him, he has succeeded and I have my respite until it’s time again for another, or he can’t control his urges and I have to let him have his way. It’s so at odds with my life now. With how this child was created. Feet twisting in silken sheets. Soft kisses down my body. Pleasure roaring through us both as we battle to crawl inside each others skin. Why should something made out of something so good and healthy bring destruction to my life. Why should I have to stop this thing inside of me from turning into my baby just because it wouldn’t make my father happy. Just because it’s father isn’t royal blooded, and cold hearted like mine. Why is it my duty to suffer while everyone else can love whom they want. A monarchy built on the suffering of either the Queen or King could never bring true prosperity and happiness to the people they want to protect. So why are we building our countries on this. 

Aquarius leaves me at my door with a kiss on my head and tears trying to break from her eyes. She’ll keep my secret. For the love she had for my mother, she will keep my secret, until death. 

I find myself stripping down to my underdress and flopping on my bed. I stare up at my ceiling, one hand on my small belly. This castle has never seemed so quiet before. I used to enjoy my quiet moments alone, but now they only lead to thoughts of sadness. Thoughts of a future I have little control over and a life growing inside me that will bring even more reckoning into my life. 

I want my baby, but if I keep my baby, the love of my life will die and my will to live with it. Locked up as a prize breeding mare, pumping out the next royal snotty nosed brat.   
But having this child wouldn’t feel like that. This child I could love with my whole heart and see grow into a kind, strong ruler. This child would prove that good can come from choice and that love is what a country should be built on, not money or status. Why does anyone have to die. 

Having enough of my tumbling thoughts, I leap up from my bed and head to my writing desk, I gather what supplies I need and head back towards my bed. Propping myself up on a few pillows, I sit back and start writing.   
I pour my heart out onto the pages. Words have never flowed so well from my pen. I write a letter to my future child. All my thoughts and feelings. How I met their father and how we came to love each other. How I found out I was going to have them, and the difficult decision I now have to make. I didn’t care that the child may not live long enough to read this, but I will have this to look back on, and think of a time when I was happy, and know that happiness does exist and did exist for me at one time. 

My door clatters slightly and Natsu slips in. He is full of the sweat from a long days work, and his hair is disheveled as if he had been running his hand through it all day.   
A look of concern is written all over is face and all I want to do is hug him tight.   
He catches my eye and gives me a small smile before slowly walking to sit on the side of my bed. I quickly begin moving my writing supplies out of the way, I don’t want him to get a glimpse of what has happened before I have a chance to tell him myself. 

“Writing me another love letter?” He smirks. An attempt at humour to down play his concern for me. 

“Of a sort.” Not exactly a lie. Its a letter to a little being which is made up of half of him, telling them how much I love them. “But you can’t read it. Not yet.”   
He nods absentmindedly, clearly tired from a long day of work and from the worrying gnawing at him all day. 

“Come sit here.” I say, patting the bed beside me. “You look tired, and we need to talk about things.” He doesn’t respond verbally, but pulls off his shoes and climbs into bed with me, resting his head on my shoulder and linking our hands. My other hand is resting on my belly again. A reassurance to myself that this is all real, and to ground me as I speak our truth. 

“Something has happened Natsu. Something unpredictable, and wonderful but very, very dangerous. And I need your help with deciding what we’re going to do.” He looks at me now, questions in his eyes, but still doesn’t speak. He lets me continue, squeezing my hand in reassurance. “Natsu, I- umm. I am currently carrying our child. It is still quite small, but if it is allowed to grow and my father finds out, you will be executed for deflowering me against my will, no matter what I say. As you are not his chosen husband for me, this is a crime, and I will loose you, and they will take our child away from me.” I didn’t know at what point I started crying, but I did, my face beginning to turn red and puffy. Natsu reached up and wiped away a tear with his thumb, cradling my face in his hand before bringing our foreheads together.   
“Lucy. This is more than I could of ever imagined to have with ya. To raise a child with you would be my greatest honour in all my life. But this is your decision to make. This child is in your body, and it is your decision first and full most. I will not hate you for whatever you decide. I will fight to my dying breath to keep you safe.”

Another cry burst out of me. “I want to raise this child with you too, but the risks. I can’t loose you. No matter what happens to me, I can’t loose you.”

“Ok. It’s ok. We will go through this together. I will be here every moment. You will not go through this alone.” And he kissed my mouth soft and tenderly, just as my door swung open again. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to intrude Luce, I didn’t realise you had company.” Sting stumbled, trying to rein in all the big brother protectiveness he could. “But I thought this was important to tell you. King Rogue is in the country. He will be here within the week.”


End file.
